Couples sometimes ask, “What are the two or three things we need to pay attention to in order to have a successful marriage?” Although relationship success can only be defined by the couple, my typical response to hundreds of people who’ve sat on my couch: “You need to actively live out your written marriage mission and intentionally strive to meet your spouse’s primary marital needs.” Everything else within the marriage can be managed.
Marriage mission and fulfilled marital needs work together synergistically to prevent couples from uttering the words, “I want a divorce,” and instead asking, “What do we need to do to get our relationship back on track?” Divorce in not an option, because husband and wife already know the purpose of their marriage and are intentionally trying to support their spouse’s needs. I believe we’d see a sharp decline in divorce rates, if more couples were required to submit their marriage mission statement when they applied for a marriage license.
What Does a Marriage Mission Do?
The concept of a marriage mission is completely foreign to most couples, unless of course, they’ve sat on my big, comfy couch. You’ve probably heard of a mission statement for companies but never for a marriage. A mission statement is just a purpose statement. God made each of us for a purpose, and when two people are joined in matrimony, their marriage also has a purpose within God’s Kingdom.
By God’s design, the marriage relationship is the most important earthly relationship. All other relationships spring forth from the marriage: family, community, and world. When you choose to marry, without a doubt, you will have trials and tribulations. By Satan’s thinking, if he can take down the marriage, he can take down the family. Your marriage is the target for the Devil’s attack, and your best defense is a solid definition and understanding of your marriage mission.
Couples Without a Mission Statement
Without a formal mission statement, many couples become distracted and husband and wife start to live parallel lives. It’s not uncommon for wives to focus on the home, raising the children, while the husband goes out to make the money. Although the couple’s intentions are honorable, soon both can slowly start to feel like strangers, unfamiliar with each other’s worlds.
The compass that helps a husband and wife take their marriage through the storm is a mission, and the glue that keeps them connected is the knowledge that each is meeting the other’s marital needs. When connected, spouses easily turn toward each other for support as opposed to away. When one is weak, the other is strong; they are united. Without a mission, it’s easy to fold and give up when the going gets tough.
How Do You Create a Mission Statement?
Creating a mission statement first starts with understanding why God created you and what you’re called to do. You can then explore together how God can use your marriage. A few questions husband and wife can ask:
- What has God called me to do?
- What overlaps with my spouse’s purpose?
- Where can our strengths be multiplied together?
- What are we both good at? How can we put that to use?
- How can our strengths and weakness be combined so we have an arsenal of talents?
- What core values do we share? How are we different?
- What are we passionate about together?
- What do I see that is broken in the world and needs to be fixed?
- When I pray, I hear God telling or showing me his heart for fill in the blank?
- When I worship, I hear the Holy Spirit telling or showing me fill in the blank?
Your mission statement should consider all areas of your life together, because Satan will seek to enter your marriage through the weakest.
- Your health
- Your family and close friends and church community
- You career
- Your finances
- Your physical setting & lifestyle
- Your spiritual relationship with God
- Your ministry
These areas are finely inter-connected. Your career can impact your finances, and your health can impact your career. Define together how you will both enhance and protect your marriage. No one is immune from struggle, but how we respond makes all the difference. How well are you prepared for invasion and what weapons have your brought to battle. Anticipate the enemy, have a plan, and build your marriage as a fortress.
Have fun with your mission statement! When you complete it, I’d love to hear from you. Send me your marriage mission statement to firstname.lastname@example.org, so I can celebrate with you. If you need help in creating your marriage mission statement, let’s have a conversation. Reach out to 281.793.3741.
About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach with an extensive background in premarital/marriage, finances, ministry, and leadership. She coaches individuals and couples to be the best versions of themselves. If you’d like to explore relationship or marriage coaching, you can contact Sandra at email@example.com