If you asked 10 divorced people why their marriages ended, mostly likely they would admit it wasn’t just one thing. In my work as a premarital and marriage coach, couples often ask what are the most common issues that cause married couples to divorce. I agree it’s not one thing but a host of unresolved issues. Based on my informal research and experience, below is my Top 10 List of Reasons Why Couples Divorce in the order that they have expressed themselves in my practice.
- Fighting over money: how it should be spent or saved
- Waning desire for sexual intimacy or infidelity: widening gaps in expectations
- Loss of trust: broken promises, lack of dependability
- Being selfish: consistently putting personal needs above spouse and marriage
- Poor communication and conflict resolutions skills: inability to connect and manage through conflict
- Overstepping personal boundaries: physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse
- Active Addiction: drugs, gambling, alcohol, and gaming become the priority over everything else
- No shared interests or divergent future lifestyles: loss of marriage purpose and interest
- Making children a higher priority than spouse: children become center of the family structure even after they are adults
- Severe mental instability: unresolved childhood abuse, personality disorders, bi-polar, and depression in one or both partners
Some of these reasons can overlap and influence each other such as infidelity can lead to broken trust, but loss of trust can also be caused by consistently making promises and not carrying through, leading to the spouse feeling insecure in the marriage.
What can you take away from this Top 10 List? An opportunity to self-evaluate the strengthen of your marriage. On a scale of 1 – 10, with 10 the highest score, how well are you and your spouse managing these areas so your marriage doesn’t become a statistic?
About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach with an extensive background in premarital/marriage, finances, ministry, and leadership. She coaches individuals and couples to be the best versions of themselves. You can contact Sandra at shinecrossings@gmail.com
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