Be an Investor in the Change You Want to See Happen

Sandra Dillon: September 18, 2017

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Jamar and Sandi discuss his business plan

Who wants to pay less taxes for Welfare, Medicaid, and housing the incarcerated? Who wants less crime and fear of crime? Who wants to pay less in insurance premiums, because claims are down?  I bet everyone said “yes” to those three questions. Wait, there’s more! I’ve only listed the savings.

Darin giving Andrea feedback on his plan

Who wants to add taxpayers to the economic base?  Who wants to see dignity restored?  Who wants to see families reunited and thriving?  These results are the opportunities for growth.  If any of this sounds attractive, I’d ask you to consider an investment in a business called the Prison Entrepreneurship Program (PEP), which might return the highest ROI in your outreach portfolio.  As a savvy investor, I’ve been pleased with its performance over the last 4 years. Recidivism rates for the general prison population exceed 50% after three years post-release, yet PEP graduates boast less than 7%.

Sandi sharing ministry information with Leo

My portfolio strategy is to build equity in our society by investing my money and time in PEP men who are committed to turn their lives around and give back to their families and communities.  PEP is the catalyst and the full-time partner to these men who work through the intensive, character development leadership academy, followed by business skill development and business plan competition for the coveted prize of bragging rights.  The program culminates with graduates walking across the stage in cap and gown to accept a diploma certificate from Baylor’s Hankamer School of Business.

Although PEP business volunteers enter prison to teach and encourage these men, I walk away from each event inspired by their hard work, dedication, and personal growth month after month. Surprisingly, it’s not all about business. Many of these men ask me about my mission ministry and explain how they plan to bless others with the profits from their businesses.  Statistics show over 78 new businesses have been formed by PEP graduates upon their release, with more than six reporting $1,000,000 in annual revenue.  For five consecutive years, PEP has reported 100% employment for program participants within 90 days of release.

PEP has so many ways for the business leader to invest their time and resources: work side-by-side these men in prison while they refine their plans, be a business advisor, host a transition house dinner, teach at e-School, and hire the services of a PEP graduate/business owner.

If you are interested in learning more, I would love to spend the day with you in prison and can get you a “Get into Jail FREE” card.  I have connections!  I guarantee you will have an unforgettable experience, will make friends with other business executives, and be richly rewarded with a personal handwritten thank you card from the men you coach. These men need mentors and role models of servant leaders.  Will you be that leader? If PEP does not speak to your heart or talents, I encourage you to seek out and invest your treasure in whatever change you want to see happen—be that servant leader.

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About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach and consultant with an extensive background in leadership and business development.  She coaches individuals as well as designs and facilitates workshops.  She has a passion to help organizations engage all its employees.  You can learn more about Sandra by visiting her website at www.shinecrossings.com.

The Power Of One

Sandra Dillon: September 16, 2017

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Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.”  I would add, “Never underestimate the power of one.”  It only takes one to make a difference—a hero—an every-day person who gives a part of his life to something bigger than himself.

To be a hero one must ask the question: “What can I give?” The answer lives in the difference between what is and what can be.  People rise up by lifting up others.  The truth—the world needs more of you and your unique gifts.  People ask, “How and what can I give?” People tap into their “power of one” by answering the following questions:

1. Who am I?
2. What can I do for others?

Heroism is unveiled in action. Where can you mentor, teach, help, encourage, and inspire? Heroism is like a boomerang.  The boomerang flies across the horizon only to return to its sender.  Heroes are motivated to give but find they get even more in return. In the process of giving, you may just create your best life ever—one that can be described as:

1. A life worth living
2. One with purpose
3. One with love and laughter
4. With significance

What will you do 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years from today?

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About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach with an extensive background in leadership and premarital/marriage coaching.  She coaches individuals and couples as well as designs and facilitates workshops.  She has a passion to help people be the best versions of themselves.  You can learn more about Sandra by visiting her website at www.shinecrossingsministry.com.

Shine: Everyone Has Something to Offer

Sandra Dillon: September 14, 2017

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I believe everyone has something to contribute to this world—a light within them just trying to get out.  That light may be a creation, an innovation, a word of encouragement, a helping hand, or a quiet presence.  I lovingly refer to these gifts as Shine moments where people are at their best.  Some of my favorite Shine quotes include:

The Purpose of Light Is to Create More Light (Paulo Coelho)

Live to Let Your Brilliance Show

We Are All Meant to Shine

Sometimes More Sparkle Is Called For

The World Is Far Brighter Because You’re in It

Never Pass Up a Chance to Glow

Shine With All You Have

I Want a Brighter World Than Bright (John Keats)

Your Shine is Not Simply Seen—It should be felt

Always Keep Your Fire Lit

Be Brilliant—the World Needs You

Your Light Touches Hearts and Minds—It Changes the World

What are your Shine gifts?  When have you been most blessed by someone’s Shine moment?  “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you” (Isaiah 60:1, NIV).  I encourage you to continue to search within yourself for those gifts that need to shine out into the world and fill it with more light!

 

Sex-pectations: The Difference and Implications of Marital Needs

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I am crawling out on a limb as I share this perspective in the hope of helping just one struggling couple who wants to save their marriage in the aftermath of infidelity.  On the other hand, perhaps a husband or wife who is teetering on the edge of infidelity will decide to change course.  As a marriage coach, I have couples sit on my couch who are wrestling with a gap in sexual appetite.  In most cases, the husband desires more sex than his wife, and over time, this unresolved need has culminated in an extra-marital affair.  I fully acknowledge that women also have affairs, but in most cases, the catalyst for theirs starts with unmet non-sexual needs.

For the record, I believe every adult is fully responsible for his/her decisions and behaviors. However, one of my first coaching questions is usually directed to the faithful spouse: “What did you contribute to the extra-marital affair?” My question is not to suggest that this wronged spouse caused the affair, should feel any guilt, or accept any blame. My intention is to shine a spotlight on the couple dynamics that the husband and wife co-created before the affair occurred.  Husbands and wives share a responsibility in what goes on within their marriage. I would only ask this question if both spouses were committed to work on their marriage and not focus their energies on assigning blame or playing the victim card.

This pointed question expands the conversation around marital needs as discussed in Thriving Marriages? It’s All About Meeting Needs. A healthy and satisfying marriage results when each spouse tries to meet the needs of his/her spouse. As mentioned in His Needs, Her Needs, Harley (2011) discusses 10 emotional needs that husbands and wives seek to have fulfilled within their marriage.  These are (1) affection, (2) sexual fulfillment, (3) intimate conversation, (4) recreational companionship, (5) honesty and openness, (6) physical attractiveness, (7) financial support, (8) domestic support, (9) family commitment, and (10) admiration.  Men typically rate sexual fulfillment and recreational companionship as their highest needs; whereas, women favor affection and intimate conversation.  Harley (2011) states that when primary needs are not met by a spouse, over time, husbands and wives will usually find ways to get those needs met outside of their relationship.

As an example, it is common for a woman to crave intimate conversation with her husband.  When a wife does not receive it, she may innocently share her frustration with a male coworker or friend.  With no calculated intent, this intimate conversation blooms into a romantic affair.  Most likely, the man is also married and not getting his sexual needs met by his wife.  The same model holds true for husbands.  They may have no plans for an affair but are unable to hold the line at only flirtatious conversation. Unless suffering from sex addiction, neither spouse is likely to stray if their needs are met at home.

Readers may counter that spouses should not feel pressured into having sex with their spouse.  I could not agree more; however, I do suggest that a husband and wife adopt a self-sacrificing attitude to meet their spouse’s top three needs.  Love undoubtedly requires self-sacrifice.  For example, when I want to relax on the couch with a glass of wine and good book after work, my husband is in the kitchen cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards.  Would he rather trade places with me?  Absolutely!  Yet, he knows that I will gladly gift him sex when we crawl into bed when I prefer to pull the covers over my head and drift off to sleep.

“What did you contribute to the extra-marital affair?” may be the first question on the table; however, the second is asked of the unfaithful spouse: “What did you not do for your wife/husband that led her/him to not care about satisfying your sexual needs?” Husbands and wives both have a responsibility to nurture their marriages.  When the love chemicals subside, the happy and enduring marriages require hard work and self-sacrificing decisions. I encourage couples to prioritize their individual needs and communicate their top three, so their spouse can make a concerted effort to satisfy them.  If successful, couples may be asked a third question after decades of marriage: “What’s the secret?”

Reference

Harley, W.F. (2011). His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell.

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About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional leadership coach with an extensive background in premarital and marriage coaching, education, and mentoring. She coaches individuals, and couples, as well as facilitates relationship workshops.  She has a passion to help people experience outstanding marriages and relationships.  You can learn more about Sandra by visiting her website www.shinecrossings.com

Hurricane Harvey Is Like Going on a Mission Trip

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Excerpt from Sandra Dillon’s El Salvador 2017 Mission Trip Journal: September 3, 2017

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I feel as if I just returned from a mission trip by surviving Hurricane Harvey and its aftermath.  Many of our team and even our dear local friends have lived through what might be considered their most devastating emotional and physical experience. Although Darin and I were spared the physical destruction from flood waters, Harvey did rattle my nerves and produce a continuous supply of cortisol running through my veins, as the torrential rains caused flood waters to creep up the street and transform the empty ditch behind our home into a river.  Setting the alarm to check water levels every 2 hours in the night resulted in a mixed blessing: increased exhaustion meeting relief that our carpet was still dry.  We hauled everything we could lift to the second floor and waited for the flood waters to take most of the furniture that made our lives comfortable.

If truth be told, I suffered some anxiety, as I relived memories from my childhood during Hurricane Agnes in 1972.  At 10 years old, my 7-year old brother and I were awakened in the night by our mother, so we could wade into rising sewage waters to haul upstairs anything we could salvage.  Although more than 45 years ago, I can vividly remember the pressure to save what little our family had.  No doubt, this tragic experience re-shaped my worldview—how I believe the world works.  My response was not to become emotionally invested in things, because they can easily be taken away through no fault of my own.  Although I have worked hard, made good money, and enjoyed nice things, I have never become emotionally attached or strived to have the biggest, brightest, or best.

Hurricane Harvey has put every Houstonian on a mission trip as if they have stepped into a third world or developing country.  In the past, those who served on their first short-term mission trip came away with more questions than answers and a desire to live differently upon their return home.  Their personal paradigms had been shifted. Harvey created a mission trip for Houstonians in their own backyards and paradigms were shifted without having left the city.

My rule of thumb, based on taking numerous teams on mission, is that people have ~ 6 weeks to act on their new worldview or paradigm; otherwise, they will acclimate to their pre-mission lifestyles. Life goes on as it was!  So, the question for Houstonians impacted by Hurricane Harvey is “What will you do differently now with your new-found worldview?”  For me, I am actively purging more material possessions and encouraging Darin to do so as well.

As the flooding threat subsided and we felt comfortable bringing our “stuff” to the ground floor, I took the opportunity to go through closets, drawers, and every room to give-away or throw-away things I had accumulated.  As an avid reader, my most difficult assignment was giving away books.  I love the sight of words and the feel of paper on my fingertips but realized that our future lives in a 1200 sq. ft. home and RV will not hold many books.  Better to start the process now in shedding that weight.  I gave away ~ 30% of my books and will continue the book-shedding process for months to come.  What change might you make to align with a new worldview?

I consider myself a positive person and always look for the blessing in adversity. My prayer is that others embrace or continue to act on two concepts after the waters recede and a new normalcy returns.  The first concept is that relationships and community are more important than stuff lost.  By the stories shared among friends and through media, I think most people are living this out in the midst of this tragedy. I hope that the outpouring of love as demonstrated by personal sacrifice and service is a sustainable paradigm-shift that continues. My second hope is that everyone appreciates the necessity and gift of clean water.  Many Houstonians were stranded by Harvey, and probably for the first time in their lives, they did not have access to safe drinking water.  I pray this tragedy becomes a wake-up call to the struggle of clean drinking water for a significant portion of the global population.

When Darin and I announce we are going on another mission trip to Central America to drill a well, I hope we hear, “Go, God speed,” and not, “Why do you serve outside of this country when there are so many people who are in need here?”  I agree, there are needy in every country; however, when Texans finally clean up from Harvey, even our country’s homeless can go into a public restroom and drink clean water from the sink faucet.  The same cannot be said in other parts of the world. During what appears to be these unfavorable times, I take to heart: “To every thing there is a season, and time to every purpose under the heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3: 1 KJV). May we all continue to be there for each other in our time of need.

A Father’s Gift to His Children

Sandra Dillon: September 3, 2017

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When TV cameras pan a sports field, how many times have you noticed players mouthing “Love you, Mom.” How often have you noticed dads getting credit when sportscasters are interviewing athletes after a big win? My recollection is that moms are receiving most of the public praise. Why do fathers seem to be forgotten or avoided?

As a child growing up in a single-working-mother family without any father contact, some of the discrepancy can be chalked up to the single-parent family structure.  I believe another portion can be explained by the lack of emotional bonding between fathers and their children.  Although I do not have all the answers, I do know that dads play a vital role in the lives of their children, and what boys need from their fathers differ from what girls need.

Eldredge (2004) proposes that every boy wants to be a hero and continually asks himself the question, “Do I have what it takes?”  Boys want to impress others and are often doing things that allow them to say, “Look at me!”  Since every boy is seeking validation that he has what it takes to be a man, boys often look to their fathers to help them answer that question. Even God said of his Son, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17, NKJV).

On the other hand, Eldredge (2004) suggests that a girl has a different question she is looking to her father to answer.  Girls try to capture their father’s attention to answer the question of whether she is lovely and worth pursuing?  A father answers that question by letting her know that he is thinking of her and delights in her.

When fathers do not validate the core needs of their children, Eldredge (2004) proposes boys feel like a failure and girls feel abandoned.  Boys will forever try to prove they are a man and shy away from anything that might reveal otherwise.  A father’s silence can wound a son.  Since a father cannot give what he does not have, it is not uncommon for generations of fathers/sons to struggle.

Girls, whose worth is not validated by their fathers, may seek male attention outside of the family.  Children who are emotionally starved by their biological fathers, should seek a spiritual father.  Many wonderful fathers can step in to provide that need to non-biological daughters.  I am one of those girls, whose stepfather became my spiritual father. These needs cannot be fulfilled by a mother, only a father.  Mothers, on the other hand, give unconditional love, teach about mercy, and provide comfort (Eldredge, 2004).

If you are a father, consider looking for those authentic opportunities to say the words that convey to your son that you are proud of him and has what it takes to be a man.  For a daughter, make sure she knows that she is delightful and worth fighting for. Fathers are the most powerful men in their children’s lives.

Reference

Eldredge, J. (2004). You Have What It Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

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About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional leadership coach with an extensive background in premarital and marriage coaching, education, and mentoring.  She coaches individuals, and couples, as well as facilitates relationship workshops.  She has a passion to help people experience outstanding marriages and relationships.  You can learn more about Sandra by visiting her website www.shinecrossings.com