The discipline of asking open-ended questions paired with intentionally listening is a powerful gift in building intimacy. Intimacy is built first on a foundation of trust and then a belief that your partner truly knows you. You may have the trust part down but struggle with how to build greater connection. If you want to learn more about your partner and what makes him or her tick, you need to ask lots of questions.
Many people are not gifted in the art of formulating and asking questions, so let me offer 10 questions that will help you know your partner at a deeper level. Each question should also be followed with asking, “Why?”
- What was the happiest moment of your adult life?
- Who has been the most important person in your life?
- If you had a crystal ball, what one thing would you want to know about your future?
- What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken?
- You’ve just won $1 million in the lottery; describe what tomorrow looks like? How would your answer differ if your winnings were $10 million?
- What’s on your bucket list? What have you scratched off your bucket list because you’ve done it?
- If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, whom would you choose?
- Describe what love looks like in action.
- How would you describe yourself to a stranger in one, two, and three words?
- What are your non-negotiables or must-haves in a forever relationship?
- Bonus [for the older readers]: If you had a CB radio, what would your handle be?
The list of intimacy-building questions is endless. If you liked these 10 questions, think of 10 more. Then ask your partner to answer them. I’d love to know your favorite question from either the list or one that you’ve thought of yourself. And don’t forget to tell me why it’s your favorite. You can comment below or email me.
About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach with an extensive background in premarital/marriage, finances, ministry, and leadership. She coaches individuals and couples to be the best versions of themselves. You can contact Sandra at firstname.lastname@example.org