I had a conversation with a woman who was a victim of childhood abuse by a lesbian aunt. The abuse started when she was 10 years old and under the ruse of having to treat a medical condition, because she had started puberty so young. Only a handful of people knew of her abuse in her adult years, yet she struggled with many unresolved feelings and unanswered questions because of her reluctance to share her story. Many will read this and self-identify. I know, because you share your stories with me.
Sexual predators are commonly family members or close friends of the family, who pray on their victims’ innocence and ignorance. In this woman’s case, what started out as supposed “medical treatment”, escalated into full on sexual encounters until her mid-teens. Now, she feels conflicted in her feelings of guilt and what she had contributed to the abuse, especially once she started to figure out what was happening wasn’t “right”. Was she at fault for not stopping it? Should she have told someone to make it stop? Who else would be abused by this aunt?
Of course, my response: “You are absolutely not responsible in any way, shape or form for what happened to you. You were an innocent child who was robbed of her innocence. Your aunt opened up the Pandora’s box of your sexuality. She stole from you what was not hers to take.” Her story reminded me of all the other childhood sex abuse stories shared with me over the years, including girls molested by piano teachers and raped by stepfathers. If you can think it, it’s happened to some innocent child. Satan is the ruler of the earthly world, and unfortunately, bad things happen to bad and good people.
“Without suffering, there is no growth, and without growth, there is no life.”
No one is immune. No one gets a pain-free life. Pain just comes in different packages. Sometimes our pain comes from choices we make, and at times, we are the victim of fallout from other people’s sinful decisions. If pain and suffering are inevitable, the bigger question is: what are you going to do with your pain? Are you going to make lemonade from lemons or are you going to wallow in the misery? Will you take what you have experienced and make it a platform or a service ministry?
I compare pain and suffering to a wound. Imagine you have a big slash on your forearm which has healed over with a thick scar. When you look down at your scar every day, what are you going to say to yourself? Will you relive that event and count your blessings that you survived that injury and are living another day, or are you going to look at that scar and constantly relive the pain of the past? Your power comes from your choices.
My prayer for people who are suffering is that they will choose a healthy perspective—a survival perspective that moves into a thriving life. Those bad experiences: they’re your victory tattoos. You’re no longer a victim but a victor.
About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach with an extensive background in premarital/marriage, finances, ministry, and leadership. She coaches individuals and couples to be the best versions of themselves. You can contact Sandra at firstname.lastname@example.org