How Fast Can Marriage Trust Be Rebuilt?

Sandra The Peoples Coach Rev 1

Client Question

My husband is putting pressure on me to trust him again, because this time he says he’s really changed. He’s only had 3 months of “good” behavior and doesn’t understand why I don’t yet trust him.  Am I being unreasonable or too cautious?

Sandra’s Response

We’re all fallible and wrestle with temptations that can lead us down a path of bad behavior to satisfy immediate pleasure. Some behaviors are one-time events while others develop into destructive patterns. Regardless of their frequency, when a man has a heart-change and begins to demonstrate trustworthy behaviors, he naturally wants family and friends to respond as if the past is the past. He wants the status that he hasn’t quite earned.

Your husband needs to understand that trust is only built over time with the right and consistent behaviors that garner trust. In my experience working with couples, the rule of thumb is it will take as long to rebuild trust as it took to destroy it.  For example, if a husband has been cheating for 2 years, it will take him at least 2 years of honorable behavior to earn trust back.

I don’t think you have unreasonable expectations based on your husband’s long history of implied prior behavior. Your husband should have more patience. If he’s truly committed to change, time will be his friend as you afford him the opportunity to rebuild your lost trust.

About the Author: Sandra Dillon is a professional coach with an extensive background in leadership and life coaching.  She coaches individuals and couples as well as designs and facilitates workshops.  She has a passion to help people be the best versions of themselves. You can learn more about Sandra by visiting her website at If you would like to engage Sandra as your coach or ask a question, you can send her a message to

5 thoughts on “How Fast Can Marriage Trust Be Rebuilt?

  1. I used to be more than happy to find this internet-site.I wished to thanks to your time for this glorious learn!! I positively having fun with every little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you weblog post.


  2. My wife and I struggle as she is very passive and does not deal with issues , but rather “forget” or distract herself from the issue. The children take advantage of her , and coax her to undermine the consequences that her and myself agree on ,for issues that are daily occurrences the things they are told everyday. I believe this is why. There is no team with us , it’s mommy to the rescue and the children play on this. In turn causes trust issues with me , and no respect from the kids. I am dominant when it comes to parenting , and in life because I feel I have to. Who will take things seriously otherwise. We are at a breaking point , and these issues we have need to be addressed rather then masked with medication. Anti depressants. I’d we can’t stand together and support each other in our decisions, how will it work. She will reach out to others before deciding whether or not to “take my side “. I feel we are falling further apart and this family will self destruct due to this


    • The strength of the marriage is only as strong as the individual strength of the weakest partner. That’s why it’s important for spouses to not only be working on the marriage but also themselves. Unfortunately, one partner can’t do the individual hard work of the other. Until your wife is willing to work on herself: admit her fears, understand her values, define her life and marriage vision, uncover why she has weak personal boundaries, etc., there’s not much hope for improvement in your marriage. I would encourage to work on yourself and understand how you are contributing towards conflict in the marriage and also ask her to do the same.


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